Recipe for Disaster
by GoldFountain
Summary: Peach, Zelda, and Samus. One loves to cook, one loves to learn, and one loves to eat. This seems like a friendly equation, but stuff them into the same room, and disaster results! A series of one-shots involving one, two, or three women in a kitchen.
1. An Eyeful Surprise

Recipe for Disaster

Step 1: An Eyeful Surprise

* * *

"No, Zelda! That's not how you peel a potato."

Princess Peach Toadstool was, oddly enough, in the position of mentor this fine afternoon. It just so happened that today, she decided to teach her friends the fine culinary arts of how to make a proper – or at least edible – dish.

Princess Zelda of Hyrule was standing over the kitchen sink, a knife held poised in one of her hands with a spotted and dotted potato in the other. She tilted her head slightly at the indignant Peach in front of her.

"I – I'm sorry."

Peach gave Zelda a hard stare for a moment, before breaking into a slight smile. She shook her head gently and said:

"Don't be. I just don't want you to cut yourself, that's all. Here, let me show you how to hold the knife properly."

She walked behind Zelda's back and brought her arms around her, guiding her motions gently. Zelda watched her directed fingers move daintily yet skillfully across the handle of the knife, holding it as though it were a brush instead of a dagger.

"You have to hold it like this," said Peach, proceeding slowly and smoothly through the steps. "And then you bring the knife at an angle to scrape the peel off slowly. There's no need to go too fast; slow and steady will do just fine, and you can never be too careful."

Zelda took in Peach's advice with a nod of her head. Doing this kind of work was not entirely unknown for her; she has had to prepare live game once or twice while she was on the run from one of her many kidnappings. But she mostly used magic to prepare her food, as it was more time efficient and more comfortable for her than doing things completely by hand. Zelda wondered if Peach got her cooking skills from foraging in the wild while on escapades from her more numerous kidnappings.

"Don't forget to peel out the eyes, now," said Peach.

"Eyes?" Zelda seemed puzzled by this terminology.

"The eye of the potato. The place where all the little roots and tubers come out," Peach said, pointing at one end of the potato, where a bellybutton shape was indented on the side of the potato.

"And how would you do that?" Zelda asked, sounding a bit more skeptical than questioning.

Peach let go of Zelda's hands and made a scooping motion.

"You gouge it out. Like how you would do it with a real eye," said Peach with a grin.

Zelda gave Peach a slightly incredulous look. The pink princess turned slightly pink.

"Er, I don't mean to be... morbid," said Peach sheepishly. "But that's really how you do it. You gouge them out. It doesn't have to be with a knife. A spoon would work just fine, I think."

"All right..."

It was apparent now that skepticism was prevalent in Zelda's expression. She laid the knife down and picked up a nearby spoon. Then, as though she were scraping out the innards of a pumpkin, Zelda dug into the potato and stuck it under the potato eye. After a few seconds, Zelda managed to get the spoon caught under it entirely, and that was her cue to scoop it out. With some slight effort, she yanked the eye out, perhaps with a little more force than she would have liked.

The momentum of the force caused the potato eye to go cruising across the kitchen, bouncing off the walls at a supersonic speed. Too surprised to move, all Zelda and Peach could do was stand there, listening to the eye ricocheting off of every surface for what seemed like forever. Eventually, the potato eye would have to stop, but not before it had hit something else along the way.

Eventually, poor Peach was the next target as she got blasted right between the eyes by the potato eye.

"Ow!" Peach yelped.

The cry snapped Zelda immediately out of her trance and turned to Peach, who had her hands covering the spot where the potato eye had landed.

"Are you alright – " Zelda began.

It was at that moment that Zelda got pelted on the back of the head by the eye, causing her to drop the spoon and potato. It was impossible to not recoil from the sudden pain. The impact of such a small object was rather frightening.

"Argh!" Zelda gasped, feeling her grip slip from the counter.

Zelda stumbled and lost her footing; in the blink of an eye, the two of them lay on top of each other, sprawled across the kitchen floor. The two of them, dazed, struggled to regain their senses, which was made all the more difficult by the never-ending bouncing of that dastardly potato eye.

Just then, the kitchen door opened. A furry, jovial-looking figure walked in, his sharp teeth bared in a feral smile.

"Hey, Princess One and Princess Two! Got any snacks..." began Fox McCloud, stopping when he saw the scene on the kitchen floor.

Zelda and Peach, both of whom were still recovering, both turned to look at Fox with a sort of detached disinterest. Only when they realized what position they were in did the two of them bounce back up immediately.

"It's not what it looks like – " Peach blurted out, only to get stopped mid-sentence by another hit in the face by the potato eye.

"Yes, Fox – " It took only a moment for Zelda to get hit by the potato eye again too.

Fox's eyes trailed from the two women to the flying object within the room, the object that had just hit the two princesses in their faces. The eye was still bouncing off of the walls too fast for anyone to see, even for someone with battle-trained eyes like Fox McCloud.

"How – " Fox began to phrase a question, only to suddenly have his mouth stuffed with a piece of a potato. The impact was strong enough to have hit the sensitive part in the back of Fox's throat, and promptly knocked him out. The two women watched as Fox slowly fell to the floor, landing with a loud conk.

Peach and Zelda blinked rather shockingly at what had just happened.

The topic of gouging out any eyes has since then become prohibited.


	2. Fast Food for the Sickly

Step 2: Fast Food for the Sickly

* * *

The day was rather muggy. Outside, low-hanging cumulus clouds were hovering in the air, casting a gray shadow all across the land. It looked as though the sky was sick, and that it was about to rain. Rather peculiar weather, it was.

Inside, the atmosphere was not much different. Except that there really was a sickly atmosphere. A couple of people had succumbed to colds, those dastardly afflictions for where there were no cures. Only through time, perseverance, and the fostering of good health did one come out of a cold unscathed. A good snuggle up in bed accompanied by a tray of fresh hot piping breakfast and some entertainment was the best road for recovery. But those times were long over for some – only family, a caring spouse, or an intimate friend would provide such treatment to a loved one.

But thankfully, Princess Peach was there to the rescue to bring back these homely luxuries, not only to her close companions, but everyone else as well. Her cooking and happy-go-lucky personality was a godsend to anyone unfortunate enough to get sick, and made the illness seem almost a blessing. She would cook for you, make you feel comfortable and at ease with her easy way of talking, as well as remember clearly what time to take medications – doing all of this to the highest degree. Indeed, Peach made the perfect nurse!

A few days had passed since most of the people had suddenly caught their colds, and the toughest time was over. Now, everyone was on an upward rise to regularity. All that they really needed was a bowl of Peach's self-declared "Famous Mushroom Remedy Stew" to climb the last step to recovery. Peach was already down in the kitchen working on it now, standing by the stove with her sleeves rolled up.

"Doo doo doo doodoo doo, doo," Peach hummed, stirring her stew in a steady rhythm.

Peach's stew was relatively simple to make for something she deemed to be most prestigious for curing ailments. Aside from the usual ingredients of chicken stock, the regular vegetables of carrots, potatoes, and meat, all she needed were a few varieties of the many mushrooms found back in her kingdom to make the stew. Preparing and cooking the stew was no different than any other stew. Toss everything in, cook and boil the contents, then leave everything at a low heat to allow it to simmer and gain flavor. Cooking, especially stew, was a cinch to someone like Peach, who devoted her time to it as a hobby – and as a necessity.

Indeed, cooking, to some, was a tedious and mind-numbing chore. But not for Princess Peach. With a positive and clear cut mind, she never had troubles with any aspect of cooking. Be it readying the vegetables, following a recipe to a 'T', washing the pots and pans, or even simply waiting, Peach loved it all.

Even making a mess out of things was not a problem for Peach. Whenever she made a mistake, she'd generally figure out a way to resolve the issue. If she burned the toast, scorched the eggs, or spoiled the soup, Peach would use the toast for barbecue sandwiches, turn the eggs into batter, or use the soup in a rejuvenating tonic. Peach treated cooking as she treated art – whenever you make an error, simply improvise. Oftentimes you'd get equal or even better results from a motion erred. This sort of approach to problem solving let Peach not make the same mistake again, and become even better at cooking. But it wasn't as though this approach was flawless. Now and then, Peach would find a problem that she simply couldn't figure out how to fix.

Peach suddenly jerked when she heard a voice calling her from outside the kitchen. She turned her head sharply to gaze at the door, expecting someone to come in. As she did so, she heard a small plop – the sound was barely noticeable, but noticeable nevertheless.

"I'll be coming in a second," Peach called back.

She turned back to her stew. Surely nothing had changed. Nothing certainly seemed to have changed. She stirred a little more hesitantly, stuttering her movements somewhat. After a closer inspection with no results, Peach seemed satisfied and left the kitchen to meet her attendee. So agitated were her movements that Peach nearly stumbled face to face into her visitor.

"Ah, hello, Peach!" greeted Peach's friend, Zelda.

Zelda was wearing an apron and nurse's hat, looking remarkably more subordinate than her appearance of noble regalia suggested. In her hands was a large tin tray with a small stack of bowls and plates.

"Hello, Zelda. Do you need something from me?"

"Yes. Fox is upstairs creaking rather like an old door that needs some oiling," said Zelda in one of her trademark idiomatic expressions. "And Mario is simply fawning over how delicious your oatmeal porridge was. Lucario – "

Zelda's rather eager smile suddenly changed into one of confused amusement. Peach's own expression became befuddled once she noticed Zelda's strange stare at her.

"Wh – What is it?" Peach asked, looking nervous.

Zelda tried to stifle a chuckle, but it was futile.

"Er, I'm afraid that you may want to look at a mirror, Peach."

Stricken, Peach whipped out a compact mirror from her dress and flipped it open to examine her appearance. Much to her shock, Peach noticed one of her earrings was missing. She touched at her earlobe, feeling it as though doing so would bring back the earring somehow.

Peach now realized what that small noise was. With a sudden start, Peach said to a laughing Zelda fumbling with her tray before dashing back into the kitchen:

"Sorry, Zelda. I think I've left the stew simmering for too long. I'll be right back!"

* * *

Peach's brain simply fizzled once she tried to think of what to do. So that was what that sound was. Her earring fell, somehow. An earring falling into a pot of stew was certainly unheard of to someone like Peach. Nowhere in her many experiences with cooking did she ever encounter a situation even remotely similar to this. And Peach has had a _lot _of cooking experience.

Peach held the pot at a distance, staring blankly into its simmering contents. Should she try and take the earring out? She should. But that would mean putting the pot over an entire drainer, if she wanted to keep the stew at all, that is. As much as Peach didn't want to admit it – being the overly clean person that she was – her earring definitely contaminated the rest of the stew. But if she threw out the stew, she'd have to make something else, and it was already half past noon. Delivering lunch at possibly an hour later would do no good for the invalids' appetites.

And throwing the stew away would really be a waste. All of those ingredients, wasted. She couldn't reuse the stew for anything either – the contamination was key to this whole dilemma.

Argh. Peach had to fish that earring out somehow. The thing was pure tanzanite! She remembered the times back in her boarding school when a student found a hair – or was it a fly – lying in her soup. Now how did that student get compensated for it? She remembered that the soups were all given out by the time the student realized the floating object, so another dish must have been substituted for it. A dish that could have been easily and readily made, and rather quickly too - something that also fit the school board's health requirements. As Peach searched the kitchen for a drainer, she wondered...

* * *

Mario, one of the more sickly persons, sat up straight in his bed upon Peach's tray ladened entrance. Simply the sight of her seemed to perk him up. Mario quickly greeted the princess and made room on his bed for her to lay the tray on.

"Here you are, Mario," said Peach, as gingerly laid the tray on a prop-up table hovering above Mario's blankets.

"Thank you, Princess," Mario said gratefully, taking the tray from her.

He looked at the dishes with relish. His eager eyes widened slightly upon taking in the sight, and his smile broke as his lips parted. Peach, who was standing by Mario, was no fool; she had caught his change in expression and quickly acted upon it.

"U-Um..." Peach began, unsure of how to phrase or even begin her words.

Mario snapped his eyes back onto her. His smile reappeared; he seemed rather apologetic.

"O-Oh! This looks delicious, Peach," Mario said in what he intended to be his most genuine voice. His facade was lost, however, once he continued by asking, "What, may I ask, is this particular dish?"

Mario pointed at the biggest plate. What was on it were a bunch of leaves, leaves that looked as though they were picked fresh off the tree, with all of their jagged edges intact.

Peach smiled, much to Mario's surprise – he had expected Peach to frown upon hearing his interrogatory question. With a beaming smile, the princess said:

"Turtley Leaf salad!"

* * *

A/N: More fluff than humor, I suppose. Oh well. I'll try and introduce Samus in the next chapter.


	3. Tea, Coffee, or Milk

Step 3: Tea, Coffee, or Milk

* * *

"Would you like some tea, coffee, or milk, darling?"

A blonde-haired woman wearing a stuffy, puffy dress sat with her shoulders hunched at a round table far too small for her size. Or for any reasonably sized person, for that matter. The table was packed to the brim with dishes of scones, crumpets, and Danish pastries, teapots and teacups, ornate china plates covered with doilies, and stuffed animals in the shape of a rabbit and bear. The scene was too picturesque to have been considered anything but artificial.

Samus Aran was at a tea party. Samus Aran hated tea parties. Samus Aran hated being called 'darling', and Samus Aran hated wearing dresses. But right now, what Samus Aran hated more than anything else was the woman sitting in front of her, wearing frills and laces and jewels in places that would have been considered already far too opulent for any person not considered royalty.

But this person _was _royalty. She was Princess Peach, and no degree of overly lavish and pish posh dress would be considered excessive to her. She was as big of a numbnut to discretion as you could get, and her way of dress was definitely not excluded.

"E-Excuse me, Princess Peach - " Samus began in a strained voice.

"That is Lady Toadstool to you, my dear Miss Aran," Peach corrected, pouring a small serving of coffee into her own teacup.

Samus gritted her teeth.

"Right. My most _sincere _apologies, Lady Toadstool. If I may ask, Lady Toadstool, what exactly does participating in a tea party have anything to do with teaching me cooking?"

Peach was about to pour cream into her coffee when she looked up, having heard Samus' interrogative question. Samus looked straight at her, trying not to let an embarrassed flush take over her face.

After a moment of frozen time where both women sat stock-still, Peach broke the enchantment by resuming the putting of cream into her coffee. Without looking back up, she answered:

"Absolutely nothing."

Samus sat silently in her seat, simmering with diffused anger. Then, in a feeble attempt to separate her temper from her voice, she said:

"Then, Lady Toadstool, what, pray tell, simply _what _reason do I have for sticking with this silly charade?"

Peach was busy dropping some sugar cubes one by one into a pot of tea. Again, she answered without looking:

"Well, you could entertain me, Miss Aran."

"Entertain? Entertain!" Samus' voice rose into a high pitched whine. She looked positively full of indignation.

"Yes, entertain. Think of all this as payment for the cooking classes."

"Zelda didn't have to pay anything!"

"Oh, but she did. She gave me a gold coin."

"A gold coin? But I have plenty of those! If you want one, then I'll gladly - "

"It was a chocolate coin."

Samus blinked.

"A chocolate... coin?"

"Yes."

"You wanted something... that petty?"

"I shall nobly pretend that I did not hear that. Chocolate gold coins are considered to be one of the rarest and most prized delicacies, especially in the realm of Hyrule, or so Ganondorf told me."

Samus slapped her forehead.

"Peach, I think you may have been fooled."

Peach, who was sipping her coffee, hurked and spat out of surprise. Samus, who was sitting directly in front of her, took the full blow.

"M - Me, fooled? What nonsense!"

Samus wiped her face with a thick sleeve. Her cheeks red, the woman cried out:

"Oh, forget it! Forget about everything, actually! I don't need to take lessons from you if that's how you want it to be."

"Please, Samus, refrain from shouting."

Much to Samus' own surprise, she complied. Coughing daintily into a clenched hand, Peach continued in her unfettered tone:

"Keep in mind, Miss Aran, that you signed a contract, acknowledging my forms of accepted payment. After taking my lessons, you will be able to consume all of the food you want, at my expense. And you surely do not want to lose your credibility as a bounty hunter by not complying with your hired terms."

Samus stood up, her teeth clenched with rage. Clearly, Peach had her cornered. Plus, the food was enticing.

Finally, after a minute of painful silence, Samus sat back down and said:

"Fine."

Peach smiled.

"Great! Now, Miss Aran, would you like some tea, coffee, or milk?"

* * *

A/N: I apologize for the late and imprudent update.

This was a possible interpretation of how Peach convinced Samus to join her lessons of cooking. Keep in mind, however, that these chapters are all one-shots and could take place in canonically different universes, so this relationship between Peach and Samus is not final, not to mention the perverted interpretations of them, which as I've said, may vary from chapter to chapter.

Also, this was created because I really wanted to write Samus participating in a tea party. Heh.


	4. Fractal Food

Step 4: Fractal Food

* * *

"Open wi-ide!"

Zelda flinched when the spoon was slapped out of her hand. The food went flying and the spoon clattered onto the table. Zelda rounded on her attacker.

"Please, Lucas. I'm trying to feed you. You're sick. The doctor said you need all the vitamins you can get, and refusing to eat will not help you get any better."

Lucas pulled his blankets up to his eyes and shot the princess an angry glare, but otherwise said nothing. Exasperated, Zelda decided to give up and clean up the mess, departing the room with a tray of messy dishes and a sullen look on her face.

Stumbling into the kitchen, Zelda creaked open the door to find Peach standing at the center countertop, who was chopping a tomato. Around her were a few bowls of scattered greens; presumably, Peach was making a salad. Peach looked up at the sound and smiled upon seeing Zelda enter. She set her knife down and wiped her hands with a towel to greet her friend.

"Zelda! How was it? Did he enjoy it?" said Peach.

Zelda set the tray down with a loud clatter, igniting a small jump of surprise from Peach.

"I'm guessing that's a no," Peach concluded.

Zelda pulled up a chair and took a surly seat at the table.

"He didn't even dare try a bite," Zelda said. "Lucas refused the carrots, psychically tossed the eggplants across the room, and threw the broccoli and the spoon back onto the tray. He still detests vegetables, and even when I said Dr. Mario required him to eat more vegetables, he merely shot me an angry glare in response."

Without her noticing, Peach had placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. Zelda felt soothed by the warm feeling, and laid her head on her arms on the table.

"Aw, Zelda, it's alright. Your approach was probably a bit off, that's all."

Sniffing, Zelda looked up into a set of blue, calming eyes.

"And what did I do wrong? I chopped all the vegetables and separated them into different bowls, as you asked. I used vegetables with varying colors - the Ice Climbers would have eaten the eggplants regardless - and even tried to feed him. It worked with the Ice Climbers, so why not Lucas?" Zelda said.

She paused to take a breath. Peach waited for Zelda to finish calming herself and blow her nose - with quite a loud sound - before responding.

"You didn't do anything wrong," said Peach, rubbing Zelda's back. "All I said was that you might have gone about this the wrong way."

Zelda let out another sniff. "Huh?"

Peach stood up. She raised an index finger and put a hand to her hip, smiling at Zelda's look of confusion.

"Every child has their own way of eating. Some eat different foods than others. Some are pickier than others. Some want to be fed by others. There's a special approach for each child, and Lucas is no different," Peach explained.

Zelda seemed to understand the point Peach was trying to make.

"So, while I could get Nana and Popo to eat with that method, the same method won't necessarily work for Lucas?" said Zelda.

Peach nodded her head with vigor. "Exactly!"

"Then... What method will get Lucas to eat?"

Zelda was surprised to see Peach close her eyes, as though she had been expecting to be asked this question. But it wasn't as though Peach wasn't leading the conversation this way all along. As though she were preparing to give a speech, Peach coughed into a clenched fist before speaking.

"Lucas," Peach began in a fluttery voice. "Only eats the strange and extraordinary."

It took a few moments for Zelda to process this information.

"I'm afraid I don't understand," Zelda said finally, after she thought over Peach's words for a few seconds. "Lucas only eats things that are strange and - "

" - Extraordinary!" Peach cut in. "Not too surprising, really. Lucas has always had a strange mind - "

Zelda had to restrain herself from picking apart this bit of hypocrisy.

" - And he was always fascinated by the unique, and giving him something that's visually striking will do the trick. Anything that has to do with math also does the trick, oddly enough, as Lucas enjoys math teasers," said Peach.

"Wow. You sure know quite a lot about him."

Peach laughed. "I don't stand here in the kitchen with my eyes set downwards when I wash the dishes everyday! What else is the window above the kitchen sink for?"

"True."

"Why, I think I saw Red managed to mesmerize Lucas for an entire day with just a Menger sponge, once."

"A Menger sponge? What is that?" Zelda asked, baffled.

"It's a fractal curve, something that is indifferentiable and usually exceeds its topological dimensions. Basically, the Menger sponge is a sponge that exhibits an infinite amount of surface area while taking zero volume."

"Is-Is such a thing natural?"

"But of course! Fractals exist in nature too, y'know."

"Ah," Zelda said flatly.

Zelda felt a peculiar sensation in the pit of her stomach. Usually she would be the one explaining unfamiliar terms to her lady friend, but this time Peach had the upper hand - about something math related, as well. Speaking fairly, though, Zelda had always thought math was one of her worst subjects.

Peach smiled at Zelda, blissfully unaware of the strange feelings the latter was experiencing over this reversal in trivial knowledge. Peach's smile transformed into an even bigger one, however, before she dashed towards the counters and began rustling through the pantry.

Zelda stood up from her seat. "Wh-What are you doing, Peach?"

Within a few seconds and an "A-ha!" later, Peach emerged from the pantry holding a strange, prickly green object in her hands. The thing was a vegetable, no doubt, but Zelda had no idea what kind of vegetable it was. It looked rather like a deformed, cactus-like version of an artichoke.

"And what is that?" Zelda asked.

She pointed at the object in Peach's hands, as though it needed to be gestured to.

Peach grinned. "Remember about the fractals I was telling you about, earlier? And how they occur in nature as well?"

"Yes..." Zelda let her hand fall back to her side.

"This is the example I was thinking of!"

Peach thrust the odd vegetable into Zelda's face.

"Eh? What?" Zelda tried to balance the vegetable in her hands.

"See that spiraling pattern? That's an example of a fractal. From mother nature, no less!"

It was true. Upon closer inspection, Zelda saw that the prickly texture of the vegetable was actually in the shape of an outward spiral. The way the pattern flowed and repeated itself lent the vegetable a sort of beauty Zelda couldn't help but admire. She had certainly ever come across anything like this in Hyrule.

"It's Romanesco broccoli," Peach explained. Her eyes were shining bright.

"Broccoli?"

"Well, actually, it's a type of cauliflower," Peach said, only to pause and add, "I'm pretty sure, anyways. And it's full of vitamins, too!"

Zelda gave her friend a dissatisfied glare. "Why didn't you give me this sooner?"

Peach let out another loud, vivacious laugh. "Wash that, but don't chop it up. I'm sure Lucas will eat it then, but maybe not after he's spent an hour looking at it. And if that doesn't work, we could always brew him some honey tea, plopping a hexagonal honeycomb in for him to admire."

Zelda did as she was told. Within seconds, Zelda had another tray in her hands, carrying in it a bowl of nothing but Romanesco broccoli (cauliflower?). Her eyes and nose had regained their usual color, and she looked rather rejuvenated compared to minutes before. Zelda paused before exiting the kitchen to face Peach, who had gone back to the counter to continue chopping tomatoes.

"Thank you again, Peach," said Zelda. "But..."

"Hm?" Peach said absentmindedly.

"I have to ask... How did you learn about fractals?"

Peach paused before setting her knife down. She looked up, and gave Zelda a wink.

"Lucas isn't the only math whiz around here, y'know."


	5. Beautiful Bergamots

**Recipe for Disaster**

**Step 4: Beautiful Bergamots  
**

* * *

Samus stood still at the entrance of the study, staring at the scene before her with a curious look in her eyes. The study was place one could work on writing or for research purposes, having a writing desk, a few stocked bookshelves, and a plush armchair by a large window that provided enough light during the day so that a reading lamp was unnecessary. It was also a room where food and uncapped drinks were not allowed, much like a library. The rule was rarely ever broken, as those who would bring food in did not typically study and those who did study had enough courtesy to not bring in anything that might spill or stain. Emphasis on _rarely_. There were of course exceptions, and unsurprisingly, Princess Peach herself was one of them.

The princess of peaches was on her knees with her back facing Samus. Samus was less focused on the princess herself, however, as she had her gaze directed at what was in front of her. An odd assortment of items were lying on the windowsill, and were the objects of Peach's undivided attention. With her annoyance increased and - reluctantly - her curiosity piqued, Samus decided to enter the room for further answers.

The sound of footsteps behind her caused Peach to turn around, with her expression turning from puzzlement to joy when she saw that it was Samus who had come for a visit. Peach quickly stood up and brushed a bit of dust off her dress.

"Hello, Samus! How are you?" Peach greeted with a smile.

"Hello, Peach."

"What brings you to the study? Are you needing to borrow a book? Going to research about combat arms, or perhaps some modern warfare?"

Samus blinked. Just what did Peach think she had going on in her mind? And what was in her own mind, for that matter?

"Erm, no, not exactly. I was wondering what _you_ were doing, actually," said Samus.

Peach frowned, looking puzzled. Samus pointed to the windowsill.

"You were kneeling down by the window, looking at - " Samus tilted her head to peek around Peach's puffy dress. She sniffed. "Orange peels?"

On the windowsill was an aluminum tray wrapped in a sheet of tin foil, containing long, thin strips of what seemed to be orange peels. Peach picked up one of the peels and laid it outstretched on her hand to show to Samus. The peel, shriveled up and flattened out, would have been unrecognizable to Samus if she wasn't able to smell the characteristic aroma of a citrus fruit.

Peach seemed rather smitten. To the peels, not to Samus. Or at least she hoped.

"Oh, these? I'm sun drying them," said Peach.

"Sun drying?"

"Yes, of course! Dried orange peels are excellent as a spice, and can be a wonderful flavoring for any dessert or beverage!" Peach playfully nudged Samus in the ribs. "You should know. What with your Earl Grey addiction and all."

"I'm not addicted," Samus said defensively. She flinched in surprise when Peach clapped a hand on her shoulder. She should have known better than to try and feign denial when Peach was around.

"Oh, don't be like that, Samus. I know you better than anyone. Here, I'll give you some."

Samus felt something get stuffed into her hands. She looked down and saw one of the dried orange peels in her hands.

"Why would I want this?"

Peach smiled a Cheshire Cat grin.

"I'll teach you how to make a cup," Peach said.

"A cup? Of what - " Samus began, only to stop when Peach suddenly grabbed her hand and pulled her out of the room.

* * *

The oven was on. Peach was humming to herself at a counter, bustling to and fro doing all sorts of things behind where Samus sat. Samus drummed her fingers on the table, and neither saw nor cared what Peach was doing this time, lest she be pulled off on another adventure. She had learned her lesson.

"La-di-da," Peach sang. She took a glance at the temperature display on the oven. "Ah! 375 degrees already!"

375 degrees? Samus knew that was the magic number for many dishes that needed to be baked in the oven. She didn't have much time to ponder about those dishes that required a different temperature to cook before Peach yanked her out of her seat.

"What is it?" Samus said. She scrunched her eyebrows, looking somewhat irritated.

Peach pointed to the counter. A small tray with twelve indented chambers stood on the chamber, and a stack of what looked like miniature coffee filters rested by it, with a big bowl of batter hovering in the background. Samus gazed at the collection of items with glazed eyes.

"I'm going to teach you how to bake cupcakes," Peach explained. "I've already made the batter and preheated the oven. Now all you need to do is make the cupcakes and you're golden!"

Samus sighed. "I understand. But why?"

Peach gave her a serious stare. "Because you have to know how, if you wish to live a long, meaningful life."

"Eh?"

"They're sublime things. Cupcakes - such a confectionery cannot be beat in terms of sweetness and in pure happiness - and simply one of them is able to tame even the most intimidating of spiky-shelled beasts. Believe me, I know."

As if Samus couldn't silence an overgrown turtle without even using her Varia Suit. But Samus stayed silent; she didn't need to hear another long-winded lecture from Peach about not using violence to solve her problems.

"Cupcakes are happiness. And those who are more happy in their lives tend to live longer, did you know? That's because of the more energy they have. Smiling requires less energy than frowning," said Peach, giving Samus one of her trademark heart-melting smiles.

Too bad such smiles did not work on Samus. Plus, Samus felt fairly certain that the amount of calories a cupcake had far exceeded that of the energy saved by smiling instead of frowning. Again, she did not voice her thoughts. Saying any negative things about sweets was a taboo topic when in the company of this angelic woman - who would thus turn into a demon - standing before Samus.

"Also, if you wish to become a good wi - "

"Alright, alright, I get it. Just teach me already," Samus quickly assented.

Judging by the incredulous smile on Peach's face, Samus knew that she was chanting 'Yes! Victory!' in her mind. Well, appeasement was fine every now and then, right?

Peach clapped her hands. She said, "I'm glad! Here, let me show you how to pour the batter..."

* * *

The two of them had finished slipping in the cupcake wrappers - the things Samus mistook for coffee filters - into the tray and were now beginning to pour the batter in.

"Just two thirds of each cup is good, right?" Samus asked.

"Yes, it's important to leave some room for the cupcakes to rise. Otherwise the cupcakes would fill up over the top and you'd end up with a deformed blob," said Peach.

* * *

The tray was now in the oven. Peach and Samus sat at the kitchen table, playing a game of gin rummy while waiting for the cupcakes to bake.

"Baking, all in all, requires less precision than most other types of cooking," said Peach, as she drew a card from the stock pile.

"Why is that?"

"Because once you've got the dish all set-up and done, all you have to do is plop it into the oven and wait."

Samus glanced up at Peach from her cards.

"Waiting is pretty difficult in itself," said Samus.

Peach laughed. "Yes, that's true."

* * *

After twenty minutes, Peach went to check the oven. Finding the cupcakes satisfactory, Peach called Samus over and handed her a pair of oven mitts.

"Be careful, it's hot," Peach warned.

Samus nodded. Kneeling down, she opened the oven and prepared for the steam to pour out.

* * *

The two ladies looked down at the cupcakes curiously. The smell of flour and sugar filled the air.

"They look wonderful, especially for your first," said Peach happily. "Don't they?"

Peach turned to Samus, only to jump back and chuckle a bit in surprise. Samus had her mouth open with her tongue out, looking rather like a thirsty dog.

"Wait a second, girl. We're not going to eat them just yet. We have to refrigerate them," Peach told her commandingly.

* * *

With the cupcakes all wrapped up and stored securely in the fridge, a slightly weary Samus thanked Peach for the lesson and was about to leave the kitchen when Peach quickly cried out:

"Wait, we're not finished yet!"

"Finished? I thought all you wanted was to teach me how to bake cupcakes," Samus said, turning around.

"No, not just that. Did you forget about the orange peels?"

Samus felt around the inside of her pockets, pulling out the piece of orange peel Peach gave her earlier after a bit of scrounging. Peach motioned for Samus to hand it to her; Samus did so.

"How are we going to use an orange peel on cupcakes?" Samus asked.

Peach winked. "Why, we're going to grind it up and sprinkle some of it onto the cupcakes, of course! That will make them zesty and scented, not to mention it makes a nicer, healthier substitution for sprinkles."

Samus refrained from saying that cupcakes were inherently unhealthy by themselves.

"Is that so? Well, I'm fairly certain that you don't need to teach me how to do that. I can use a grinder very well myself, thank you," said Samus, as she put her foot out the door.

"Ah, Samus, don't leave!"

Surprised by the sudden feeling of being pulled downwards, Samus let out an expletive and nearly stumbled backwards. Samus straightened her balance and glanced down at the pouting woman clinging to her leg with distaste.

"What are you doing?" Samus said irately.

Peach quickly stood up and shook her by the shoulders. "The tea! The Earl Grey tea! Did you forget that quickly? Samus, I'm disappointed in you! It'll take only five minutes - well, actually six - to teach you!"

Knowing that Peach would not let her go until her demands were fulfilled, Samus sighed and nodded, following her back into the kitchen.

* * *

Peach did not go back on her words - it only took them five minutes to make the tea, and half of the time was spent on finding the tea leaves in the first place. Then, Peach showed Samus how putting a sliver of an orange peel was enough to give the tea a citrus flavor. She explained that the idea was similar to putting a slice of lemon into iced tea.

Once the tea had been properly steeped for five or so minutes, Peach and Samus sat at a small breakfast table by the kitchen window, sipping from mugs of their freshly brewed Earl Grey tea.

"It's so soothing, don't you think?" Peach said, smiling at her companion whilst she took a sip.

Samus had to admit that it was. The tea was now at a tolerable temperature where sipping it did not burn the tongue and the scent of oranges brought about a pleasant, aromatic feeling in the atmosphere.

The feeling was so nice, in fact, that despite tea having caffeinated properties, made Samus feel quite relaxed. Relaxed enough to daydream about a handsome man and enough to fall asleep. Samus closed her eyes, and was about to doze off until...

"Say, why don't you bring a cup of Earl Grey for him now? There's still a lot left in the teapot, and I know how much he likes Earl Grey as well. Oh, and I suppose we could bring a cupcake for him too. He has quite the sweet tooth, from what I understand."

Samus blinked; Peach was gazing at her softly; she had a small, gentle smile on her face. Samus shook her head. Then, she said:

"Yes, he'll like that."


End file.
